Dear Mr. Putin,
I wanted to write to congratulate you on presiding over what is possibly the most beautiful city in the world. I know it’s not really your doing, seeing as almost everything was built long before you were even born, but you have a habit of taking credit for things that aren’t yours so I figured one more wouldn’t hurt. Because HOT DAMN everything here is gorgeous. So much so that our walking tour guide stopped to make a special point about the ‘ugliest’ building in St. Petersburg – something that could still be a tourist attraction in almost every other city in the world. I thought you’d appreciate the fact that I had a gay old time while in Russia, and it was all thanks to your brilliant 72-hour visa free rule that allows homos like me to enter your country visa-free. I even managed to get a smile out of the border guards on the way out.